TEN REASONS WHY I DON'T CARE ABOUT NOT GETTING A DATE FOR THE FORMAL

10) I'm not getting a last minute date who I have never met before.

9) I'd just get more wear on my brand new $120 calvin klein black satin dinner jacket

8) I'm a geek. Geeks don't go to formals unless by accident, having gotten the wrong address or whatever for that star wars convention etc they meant to attend instead.

7) The last time I "slow danced with a guy" (At junior primary school, but still) , I fell asleep.
(Another reason that swing music at formals is not such a bad idea)

6) The gossip-worshipping couture found at such events, and the probable outcome of me bringing a boy to said event would most likely result in a replay of the "salmon" fiasco

5) It's probably going to be on a friday night, which would mean I would have to miss chess club; something I can't possibly ever skip, it's my favorite part of the week

4) Introducing my "boyfriend" to the PRINCIPAL at the DOOR

3) The guilt of knowing the torment and alienation my date will have to endure; namely my parents, who always treat boys like possible husbands; as well as talking to them in a tone only suitable for the very dimmest of five year olds

2) Who cares?

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON I DON'T CARE ABOUT NOT GETTING A DATE TO THE FORMAL:

1) Society.
But that's not really why I'm pretending I don't care.
 But as I fall asleep writing this, I'm going to admit; with the consequence that I'm not going to realize the outrageously TOO OPEN stuff I'm writing until tomorrow, when it will definitely be too late; that:
I care about not having a date to the formal!
And I feel horrible!
There. I said it.
Now why don't I feel any better.....?